It had been several months since Jordan escaped from the prison. She was being monitored for mental problems because of the torture she had been though during her years of captivity. The goal was to be well enough to meet her now six year old daughter, Julia.
Jordan had been told that New Army troops were looking for both her and Justin. She had no idea where Justin was after she last saw him unconscious on the floor of the Disturbed Ones safe house. She heard that Justin was being accused of being a double agent, but she doubted that was true. Jordan was usually a great judge of character, but after her years of imprisonment, she wasn't so sure about anything any more. One thing she was sure of and that was to finally meet the little girl she'd given birth to so long ago. Until very recently, Jordan had no idea what her daughter looked like.
Morbus, the disfigured bodyguard she had befriended in those early hours of her freedom, had brought pictures of Julia for her to look at. Jordan thought she could see a lot of Jacob in her, and that made her sad. She missed Jacob and the life they had planned together.
Doctors had performed several surgeries to repair various ailments. Jordan had had several broken bones that had not healed properly, torn muscles, and scars from hours upon hours of torture. The worst of her injuries was irreparable damage to her reproductive organs from repeated rapes. Jordan, at only 30 years of age, had to have a hysterectomy. She would never again be able to bear children.
Morbus came to see her on occasion to check on her progress and tell her what Julia was doing in school. He had, on one of his more recent visits, brought Jordan drawings that Julia had done. Turns out that Julia was quite the talented artist. Morbus told Jordan that Julia was getting art lessons from her male guardian, Peter San Marco, who had a Masters degree in Art.
"Julia doesn't call her guardians 'Mom' and 'Dad'?" Jordan asked.
"None of the children do, Jordan," Morbus said. "Peter and Kiera decided on that because they didn't want the children to get too attached to them in the event that their parents or other family came to claim them."
"It seems kind of sterile," Jordan said. "What do Julia and the other children call the San Marcos?"
"I believe it's Ms. Kiera and Mr. Peter," Morbus replied. "David and the other leaders have been called 'mister' and their first name."
"What does Julia call you? 'Mr. Morbus'?"
Morbus seemed to have a sad expression on his face, Jordan noticed.
"I am just Morbus."
"How sad," Jordan said, and unconsciously put her hand on Morbus' face, just as she had with Jacob when he was discouraged.
Morbus quickly pulled away, almost shocked that Jordan would show him some affection. It was common knowledge that David had feelings for Jordan, and Morbus didn't want to get in the way of a possible relationship between them.
"No, Jordan..." he said as he turned away from her.
"I'm sorry, Morbus," Jordan said. "I guess someone showing you that they care about how you feel is an alien concept, given how you look to others. I have no qualms about your appearance. I know what you must have gone through."
"David likes you, Jordan." Morbus said.
"I like David, Morbus," Jordan replied; "but not like that. It's going to be a while before I can trust my heart with anyone. I watched Jacob die, and it still haunts me. I still have nightmares about it."
"Jacob is a hero to the cause, Jordan; just as you are."
"That doesn't bring him back to me, now does it, Morbus?"
Morbus' mind was dueling with itself, torn between the feelings he still had for Jordan when he was known as Jacob, and keeping Jordan in the dark about who he was.
"Jordan," he said roughly, enough to startle Jordan.
"What?"
Morbus almost said it. Almost said "I am Jacob." But he held his tongue. What came out of his mouth was,
"I'm just Morbus."
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Julia had another birthday before Jordan was cleared to have her first visit with her daughter.
Julia knew her mother was free, but in the hospital to make sure she was well enough to live her life again. The seven year old prepared herself every day for the possibility that today would be the day her mother would come see her. Every night, she felt a little disappointment. This was something that Kiera noticed after a few months.
She mentioned it to Dan when he came to see the San Marcos shortly before Julia's seventh birthday that June.
"Julia becomes disappointed when another day goes by that Jordan doesn't come see her," Kiera said. "When will Jordan be well enough for a visit, Dan?"
"Jordan is making progress, getting therapy and is on medication to control her mood swings," Dan said. "When she is cleared for a visit, we will let you know."
"At least I'll have something to tell Julia when she asks about when her mother is coming to visit," Kiera said.
"We wanted to make sure that Jordan was completely well, and healed from the surgeries she's had," Dan said. "She's been through a lot, as you well know."
Kiera nodded. Then Dan asked,"Where are Julia and the boys, by the way?"
"Peter is taking them to the forest for survival tests," Kiera said. "It's part of the plan in case the New Army comes looking for us."
"Sounds like a good plan," Dan said. "Tell Peter he's doing a great thing by teaching the kids survival skills. God only knows when they might need them."
"I'll pass that along," Kiera said. Hopefully, not anytime soon, she thought to herself.
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In July, Jordan was finally released from the safe hospital and set up in a safe home. It reminded her of the one she lived in with Jacob when they learned they were expecting. She wondered briefly if it were the same house, but Jordan had gone down to the panic room to look for a specific symbol, and, not finding it, realized this was a different house.
She had also been cleared to start making visits to Julia at last. Julia and her guardians knew she'd been released from the hospital, so visits could start as soon as Jordan was ready.
Jordan had been ready from the day she escaped the prison in the laundry truck. All she wanted was to meet the little girl she had been planning to name Rachel Julia. The fact that Julia was seven years old concerned Jordan. Julia had had seven years to bond with her guardians, while she was a virtual stranger to her own flesh and blood.
The day she was to visit, Jordan found herself uncharacteristcally nervous. She felt like she would be intruding in another family's life. That particular family had her daughter in it. I wonder if this is what biological parents feel when they meet the child they gave up for adoption for the first time? Jordan asked herself.
Just then, Jordan heard the distinctive horn outside. She looked out the window and saw David, Mike, and Morbus waiting for her. She instinctively checked her purse and saw that the small weapon she carried was still in its hiding place. Not that she would need it today, but since the New Army seemed to be everywhere outside the community of Disturbed Ones, Jordan learned that she couldn't afford to be found out, and would defend their cause with her life, if necessary. Especially if Julia was in danger.
She exited the house and locked the door locks. She then turned and walked toward the armored vehicle.
Finally, seven years after giving birth, she was going to meet her daughter.
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"Welcome to our home, Jordan," Peter San Marco said when Jordan crossed the threshold. "It's an honor to have you here."
Jordan shook hands with Peter, then Kiera and the boys. Julia waited patiently on the sofa for Jordan to approach her.
As she sat down on the couch next to Julia, Jordan said,
"Julia, I'm Jordan. I've waited a long time to finally meet you."
Julia smiled Jacob's smile, and Jordan couldn't help but wonder where she'd seen that same smile just recently.
"You're my mother," Julia said softly. "I'm so glad you are here!"
"I'm glad I'm here, too," Jordan said. "We have a lot of catching up to do."
As she watched this scene, Kiera became misty-eyed. While she was glad that Julia and Jordan finally got to meet one another, Kiera was afraid that Jordan would take away the little girl that she and Peter had raised from the time she was two weeks old.
Peter noticed this, and assured his wife that this meeting was for the best.
"I know, Peter," Kiera said, wiping away tears. "But I don't want to let her go."
"No one said Julia was going anywhere," Peter said. "Jordan is a very intelligent woman. She'll want what is best for Julia."
"What if what she thinks is best is to take Julia away from us?"
"Honestly, Kiera," Peter said, "I don't think Jordan Terranova is going to do that to us. She knows that Julia is part of our family. We'll get a chance to talk about it with her before any decisions are made. Besides," Peter and Kiera looked over to the sofa to see Jordan and Julia talking, "we knew this was coming when we were told Jordan was still alive and had escaped her imprisonment. Let's just wait and see what happens."
Kiera laid her head against her husband's shoulder and sighed. "I guess you're right, Peter. I'm jumping to conclusions. I should be happy that Jordan is still alive and able to see Julia."
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After spending the whole day with Julia, Jordan and the San Marcos discussed future visits, and it was decided that Jordan would come every couple of weeks for a few hours at a time to spend time with not only Julia, but the boys Julia thought of as her brothers.
"I'm the only girl in a family of boys," Jordan told the San Marcos, "so I know what Julia is experiencing to a certain point. I was totally a tomboy until I was about 12. Then puberty set in and I wanted to do 'girl stuff'." Jordan chuckled at the memory of coming in from play just as dirty as her big brothers, and her mother wondering if she really had five boys instead of four.
After about an hour more, Jordan took her leave and promised to be back to visit Julia again in two weeks time.
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"Julia is a beautiful girl," Jordan sighed after she was safely in the car and headed back to her own safe house. "People were right..." she trailed off.
"Right about what, Jordan?" Mike asked.
"That Jacob and I would make pretty babies." Jordan said. "But, thanks to the thugs at the prison who tortured and raped me for years, there will be no more babies for me with anyone."
Morbus had been listening to the conversation silently and agreed: he and Jordan did have a beautiful child together. He wondered if he had a chance to win Jordan's heart again. She seemed to be fond of Morbus, and wasn't frightened any longer by his appearance.
I suppose, Morbus thought to himself, I could try and court her. She told David she wasn't ready for a romantic relationship with him or anyone else. Morbus wanted a chance, because he wanted to tell Jordan that in his chest, Jacob's heart still beats.
And in that heart, he still loved the girl he fell for years before; before the United States became a police state run by a puppet leader who was controlled by men with evil and greed in their black souls.
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A few days after seeing her daughter for the first time, Jordan got an unexpected visit from David.
She liked David, but she was wary of his intentions. Not that she didn't trust him, but Jordan felt that David was going a little faster in the romance department than she was willing to go at this point in time.
But today, David was not there to discuss his prospects of wooing Jordan. He was there to talk about Julia and to ask her how she thought the visit went.
"I thought it went rather well," Jordan said. "The San Marcos have done a wonderful job raising her. Julia is a nice, polite, and caring little girl." Just as I would have raised her, Jordan thought.
"She's doing quite well in her studies," David said. "She's two grades ahead of her peers, and that's quite an accomplishment for one only seven years old."
"I'm not at all surprised to hear that, actually," Jordan said. "Both Jacob and I skipped grades in school, so Julia comes by it honestly." But, are you being honest with me, David, she said to herself.
"What are your thoughts about having Julia live with you when you get to know each other a little better?" David asked. He noticed that Jordan seemed surprised to hear that.
"And take her away from the only family she's ever known, David?" Jordan asked, incredulously. "Even though she's my flesh and blood, I can't see myself doing that to Kiera San Marco. She's very protective of Julia, even when I was there. Like she suspected I'd want Julia to come home with me."
"Don't you want to be with your daughter?" David asked, wondering to himself if he misjudged Jordan all this time.
"David, you have to understand something," Jordan began; "I spent five years in prison for something I didn't do, and almost two years on the outside learning to be human again. I can barely take care of myself sometimes I get so moody and depressed, much less a child. If things were different, like if what happened to me never happened, if Jacob had never been killed, then I could see myself raising my child..." She trailed off when she felt herself getting emotional. Then,
"I can't...I can't put Julia through my hell." And she dropped her head into her hands and began to cry.
David had to concede that Jordan had a point. She was still healing, and asking her to do more than she felt she was capable of was selfish of him.
He'd fallen hard for Jordan in the two years that she had been free. He wanted nothing more than to be the man she needed him to be, reclaim Julia and be a family. But Jordan wasn't ready for any of that. She was still trying to just be Jordan. He was pushing too hard, a trait he was not particularly fond of when it came to the women who had been in his life. That trait was admirable in being the leader of the Disturbed Ones, because it allowed him to speak for those who were denied a voice. But when it came to relationships, it was a liability.
He looked at Jordan sitting there, crying for the lost love and the lost years she had endured. All David wanted was for Jordan to take things at her own speed, which meant for him, he needed to apply the brakes to his desires.
But his desires won out over his common sense, because he sat down next to Jordan and put his arm around her, comforting her.
"Jordan," he said softly, "I'm sorry. I'm being selfish..." But, he leaned in to kiss her anyway.
Their lips almost met when Jordan realized what was happening. "What the fuck are you doing?" was what came out of her mouth.
"Jordan," David said, almost pleadingly, "please, baby...I need you."
"How dare you!" exclaimed Jordan, more shocked than surprised. "How dare you assume that I'd want this right now, after everything I've told you?"
"Jordan, I can make you happy. I know I can."
Jordan stood up. With her hands on her hips, she asked David to see himself out.
"Bitch..." he muttered.
"Yeah, I'm a bitch," Jordan said angrily. "Just because I'm vulnerable doesn't mean I'm an easy target. You can damn me to hell and back if you want, because I really don't give a shit what you think of me. You're no better than the thugs who forced themselves on me in prison. All of you think with your dick and not with the brain God gave you. You may be a man, and you may be a Jew, but you're not, repeat, NOT Jacob. No one, no man could even come close to replacing what Jacob meant to me. Now, if you don't mind, David, please get the fuck out of my house."
David was shocked at the level of anger that Jordan displayed. He'd never heard her curse, never heard her speak to him in that manner. Maybe it was a defense mechanism against being attacked physically again and again. Maybe it was Post Traumatic Stress. It could be a lot of things, but being a foul mouthed bitch was not what he expected from her at all.
He took his leave. It wasn't until he got in the armored vehicle that he realized what he had done.
"My God, I'm an asshole. Please forgive me!"
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As Jordan locked the door, she felt her whole body shake with anger. Who the hell does David think he is? Thinks he can get any gal just by sweet talking her, telling her what she wants to hear. What utter bullshit that is, she thought.
She walked to her bedroom and lay down on it still fully clothed. God, I don't have the strength for this right now, Jordan thought. "I just want to be normal again. Is that too fucking much to ask?"
Later, she dressed for bed. Once she was under the covers, sleep eluded her. It was like being in prison again. Once, bars kept her from escaping. Now, it was her own mind that held her prisoner to her emotions.
I wish Jacob was here...she thought sadly. He'd know how to calm me down.
She had no idea how close Jacob really was.
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"You did what?!" Dan exclaimed when David told him the next day what had transpired at Jordan's safe house. "Are you out of your God damned mind, David? You knew she wasn't ready for any of that. Whatever possessed you to do that, to Jordan Terranova of all people? Jordan isn't some silly girl, she's one of us! She's been to hell and back and you wanted to... my God!"
"I know, Danny. I'm a jerk. I wasn't thinking." David said.
"Wasn't thinking?" Dan asked him; "Well that's the understatement of the millenium! You're the God damned leader of all of us who want to change things back to the way they were, and all you wanted was a little tail? You have lost your mind!"
David turned from Dan and looked out the window. He could see Jordan's safe house from where he stood, while Dan was browbeating him about his behavior. Yeah, he thought sullenly, I'm the the leader of the most powerful anti- government group to emerge since the illegal regime took over nearly eight years ago. Dan is right. I need to watch myself.
"Are you done, Dan?" David asked when Dan stopped yelling. "Because if I'm going to be an effective leader, I need to lead by example. That means I have need to be above reproach. Only Jordan knows of my failings. I only hope that she can forgive me."
You better hope, David, thought Dan. Hope and pray she does just that.
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Morbus was in one of his moods.
He was not happy, which happened quite frequently. When Morbus is not happy, bad things tend to happen.
He couldn't place the source of his anger. He just felt like punching something. Or someone.
His head was throbbing. When he was shot, a bullet entered his skull just below his left ear and exited just over his left eye. It had just missed his temple and optic nerve, and at times, like this, the exit wound, long since healed, would throb in the worst pain he had ever felt. He took very potent drugs for the pain, but because the drugs were addictive and would prevent Morbus from doing the jobs he was trained to do.
He had been weaned off the latest course of drugs, and was not his usual self. He was worse than his usual self, because that's when he felt like killing people, destroying property, and banging his head against the way in an attempt to make the pain stop. He had promised Julia he'd come visit, but he just wasn't up to it. If he did anything to hurt Julia, he'd never forgive himself.
"Please, God! Please let me fuckin' die!" Morbus cried out, the pain getting the better of him. "I can't go on like this anymore! God, please..."
He then beat his head against the brick wall until it was bloody and he passed out.
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He awoke slowly. He was in an all too familiar place. Then, an all too familiar voice.
"Morbus..."
"Yes, David?"
"You really have to knock this shit off."
Morbus painfully sat up in the bed and faced David's glare from across the room.
"You know, I ask you to protect me from those who want to do me harm, and you do an excellent job at that. But," David paused, then continued, "who is going to protect you from yourself?"
"I'm sorry, David. The pain just got to be too much. I hate when I have to be weaned off the very drugs that keep the pain away. The pain drives me batshit crazy."
David sighed audibly. He had more than enough patience with Morbus. It's because of him that David was still alive, and David was well aware of that fact. He knew what he was getting into when he decided years ago that Morbus would be his bodyguard. Morbus' tolerance for pain did have a limit, and David was willing to work around those times that Morbus was in the most pain. And not just phyiscal pain.
"Whatever you're thinking, David," Morbus said, "I still do believe in the cause with all my heart. It's the remembering the past before all this happened to me that makes the phyical pain I feel worse. There's no drug for regret, is there?"
"Not to my knowledge, Jacob," David said.
"Stop calling me that," Morbus said. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you that Jacob is dead?"
David said nothing, but he got the point.
"I thought by calling you by your given name, that would bring some normalcy to your current life."
Morbus spat at the floor. "Looking like this? Are you kidding me?" He stopped talking for a minute or so, then,
"My idea of normal is much different than yours is. My normal is being in this body, with these scars, while Jordan and our daughter don't even know who I really am to them. That's my normal, David."
"You're right, Morbus," David said. "You've been through a lot more than I have. I haven't been captured and tortured. If I do get captured, they're not going to bother torturing me because they'll kill me first."
"David," Morbus said, "I'll continue in my capacity as your bodyguard, and as assassin as you see fit. I'll deal with my pain my way. If that means I have to beat my head against the wall, then so be it."
"Whatever you wish, Morbus," David said, resigned to the fact that Morbus was not one to fuck with. David was sure that if he pissed Morbus off enough, Morbus would and could kill him.
David left Morbus' room and walked down the hall to his office. Morbus was one tough motherfucker, and even the leader of the Disturbed Ones knew it. But David knew who could tame Morbus if it came to that. Two people had that power. David was smart enough to know he was not one of those two.
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